i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
