He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Dude, she looked like the Canadian Slam Poet, neck hair and all.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
His dick is longer than my foot and I'm a size 9. I'm literally kicking myself in the vagina
Getting sick, pulled the filter off a camel crush and rolled it into my joint to clear my sinuses. If there were stoner awards, I'd receive one.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
I just forgot I was standing up.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
i thought the time we went to a party with no shoes on was bad, how about the time you left with no pants on?
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