That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Trying to take a shit right now to the beat of the fuckin drumcircle outside... It's not goin well
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
What happened to fro yo and sex?
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Randomize
