so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Question: Would it be wrong to just fuck both of them and decide who to date one performance of their cocks?
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
His roommates came in and started a dance party in his room while we were having sex. He said it wasnt the first time.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
Randomize
