I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
