New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
