you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
My mouth already tastes like senor cuervo took a piss in it and it's barely 1 am
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
The beauty of his penis is distracting me from the fact that he was born after Princess Diana died
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