He disabled his match.com account in front of me
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
