Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I drove your lawn mower home. Hope you don't need it tonight. I'll bring it over tomorrow.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
It was total unicorn galloping on a fucking rainbow awesome.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Your topless pictures make me question reality
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
Randomize
