Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
I don't know what you're talking about. I just drank beer out of my own bellybutton by doing a backbend and letting it run down my body.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
Randomize
