fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
