You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
Even though he is humpbacked he is really good in bed.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
I thought that u needed a break due the fact that your nipples were bleeding
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
Randomize
