Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Randomize
