I may or may not be laying in bed naked watching The Nanny. Niles is so spunky.
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize
