So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
However today I got my lube that might I add was dripping out of the box. I'd like to think my mailman was mixing business with pleasure.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
