Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
Does it bother you that I left your underwear hanging in a tree at the zoo? i think the turtles are enjoying it.
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
