we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I un-blacked out around 7am watching J.lo videos on youtube
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
He just called shotgun on the way to the squad car.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize
