My bottle opener just broke off in the cork
They don't teach how to cope w these situations in boy scouts
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
One day. I will touch his hair. I'm curious if it'll be like a soft cloud.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize
