We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
No I have an idea, I saw you running through the neighborhood at 3am while I searched for my flip flops in a ditch
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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