If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I just want to be naked all the time but not in a sexual, come-hither and look at my ass sort of way. In a slightly chubby yet not ashamed way as I eat Taco Bell and lay on soft fuzzy blankets.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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