dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
Randomize
