i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
