and on the seventh day, God created megan fox
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Basically I will actually need a reindeer pulled sleigh to make it to all the penises in one night.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
