Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
