Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
he asked if thats how we do it in the states..like there's cultural difference in fucking between canada and the us..
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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