just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
Then you screamed "fuck her like shes not your sister tonight" at the people walking down the road.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
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