Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
It's like the only way I know how to apologize is by giving a blow job.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
