Apparently every Tri-Delt knows what I did and I am blacklisted from ever dating anyone in that house.
Well ya you lied, told her you cared, took her virginity and then broke up with her at Christies Toy Box.
I honestly thought the dildo was a nice parting gift.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
The last shot i remember taking was toasted to "love, sex, and magic". Needless to say I was 0 for 3 on that toast for the night.
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
you ate dog biscuits in front of my dogs and laughed at them for not have opposable thumbs
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
How much glitter would I have to ingest in order for a "magnificent" amount to appear in my ejaculate?
Randomize
