i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
