after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
i'm trying to figure out what goes best with beef ramen. a 2007 merlot or a 2008 pinot noir? i'm leaning toward the pinot noir.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
She just rubbed her face up and down my six pack cooing. Equal measure of weird and hot.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
