If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
You know whats sad? As I walk past the campus daycare i cant help think, look at those drunk mistakes
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
Randomize
