there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
