Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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