you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
We climaxed at the same time during ain't no mountain high enough. Does it get more cheesy or domestic for a non relationship?
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
