dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
I have peed in a lot of sinks
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
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