I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Randomize
