Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
She looked up and said "I like this." I asked "what do you like?" she said "penis."
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
Randomize
