I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
my first words to him the next morning were "do you like magic"?
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
I just had the worst experience of my life, my grandma found my condoms.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
can you bring the lube to algebra tomorrow
Randomize
