i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
I don't know what song to play at my bong's funeral!
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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