I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
As a pleasant surprise..I woke to find a Burrito and Bottle of Gatorade .....Merry XMAS to ME
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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