she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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