i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
He told me that he wants to fuck me only wearing a princess tiara...How could I possibly say no to that?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
