Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
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