if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
It took years to rebuild my brains forcefield against your charm and I feel like u seal team 6'd ur way in again and caught my common sense sleeping on post
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
