Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
we were in your room and your mom was singing twinkle twinkle little star in the hallway. so you decided to scream "twinkle? TWINKLE! What Fucking little star?!"
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
Yup, totally tried cooking bacon in the dryer last night.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
Randomize
