you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
