im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
idk what id do withouhrh yoy btro
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
