Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
