seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Randomize
