i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
roommate singing save a horse ride a cowboy wearing a cowboy hat a bikini and jeans while humping the couch.
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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