You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
I sent him this really overly apologetic text asking him out. It was just sad. Not even 27 shots of whiskey can grow me a self-esteem.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
Randomize
