do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
