Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
On your way out, lock the front door. And by lock the front door, I mean find the door handle, reattach it, and then lock it.
i caught him jerking off, doing his SAT Prep. forever alone.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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