I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
am i so blindsided by his great personality that i'm hooking up with an ugly guy?
i thought you knew
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
The only flat surface we had was a cheez it box so we snorted the blow off of that. Rock bottom really isn't that bad.
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
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